No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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