There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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