I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
