You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
