You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
