Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
