Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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