So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
