um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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