If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Someone signed my nipple.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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