i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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