none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
