last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
