I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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