did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
