she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
