are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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