Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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