do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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