She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
