Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
