my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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