Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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