her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize