I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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