o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
