Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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