We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
