When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
