AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
