Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
