I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
