Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
