Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
so much tequila, so little girl.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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