Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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