I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
