So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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