I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
