dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
