Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Welp...herpes.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i've created a new STD.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Oh god it's open bar.
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