you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize