THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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