Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
