mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
