guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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