Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
