I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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