Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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