I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
