your parents love me but you hate me
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
