Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
