Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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