sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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