Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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