I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
