Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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