My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize