i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
