i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
