Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
