Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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