But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
