She said her name was "party"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
