so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
